"With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life."

I've been told to read (and re-read) the spiritual self- help libre-du-jour, The Four Agreements, by my close circle of meddling concerned.

As if I would shell out physical money for metaphysical value. Besides, if it really is ancient Toltec wisdom, magically expressed in folksy medicine-man English, then its copyright has probably expired and it should be free. Unfortunately I could not manifest the destiny of a free book. Or maybe I did; thanks Zac for the near-permanent loan.

Author Miguel Ruiz: surgeon, car-accident victim, shaman bearer of universal truth seems genuine enough in this publication, notwithstanding the heavy doses of Joseph Campbell in his autobiographical first chapters.

Man, I hope them shamans don't know any curses, because I'm about to give some spoilers.

Agreement One - Be Impeccable with your Word

Let's see. I'm always worried about saying the wrong time. And my parents told me children should be seen and not heard. Many a time I've saved the day by saying the right thing at the right time and by shutting up when it would not have gotten me anywhere. So it's safe to say I've mastered this agreement. Impeccable word: check!

Agreement Two - Don't take things personally

• "Aren't you taking this criticism too personally? Don't be so defensive."
• "Aren't you taking this downsizing a little personally?"
• "Aren't you taking me screwing your wife a little too personally?"

Bugger not taking things personally. If you force yourself not to take things personally then you'll never care about anything enough to make a change. Okay, fail. Next!

Agreement Three - Don't Assume

Don't use your gut instinct. Don't use your intuition. Don't use your experience. You'll only be acting out of fear. Open your mind and keep doubting yourself until you've drowned out that little voice inside you that refuses to stay silent. Don't assume because assumptions are bad, mmm-kay? Next!

Agreement Four - Try your Best

Trying your best is the excuse of those who fail. Effort means absolutely nothing. History books overwhelmingly chronicle those who succeeded over those who merely tried. Trying your best won't get you that scholarship, internship, bonus, or promotion. Being better than everyone else will.

Finished! Four Agreements in Four Minutes! A new Olympic record.

Flippancy aside, the Four Agreements is a sincere attempt to present the concept of personal integrity in an easygoing, digestible manner. However, it is written in such simplistic language as to leave it vulnerable to mis-interpretation. Although the Four Agreements sound sweet and simple, in reality they are maddeningly difficult. This critical difficulty cannot be expressed in Ruiz's sing-song whimsical style, and is therefore quite misleadingly not expressed at all.