Four weekends in a Shizuoka summer:

The Bluff, the Ramen Museum, Chinatown, Cosmo World. They wouldn't be the same without companions, right, mister "I travel alone"?

The Leader of the Opposition is now riding shotgun with the Prime Minister in the 'values' bandwagon. It's no longer confined to the lunatic fringe.

 

You'd think that I am opposed to english proficiency testing and values education because I'm a migrant, right? In fact, I support it wholeheartedly, but only if it is administered to ALL Australians.

 

Let's see how your average 'battler' fares when asked to spell anything longer than two letters, including their own name - complete with quirky misspelling; (Jaidyn, Jorja, Klancie ... WTF?!) Let them also learn that 'respect for women' does not just mean knocking her up with her fifth kid from a fourth dad and then moving interstate so you can both get money from Centrelink.

 

Oh yeah, and if you fail, whitey, you get deported to Nauru for reprocessing. It's only fair, right? What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Unless... oh look, 'A fair go' and 'multiculturalism' is not included on the list of 'Australian values'. It's a pity to think they may once have been ...

It takes yakitori and beer to bring out your inner 'hime' (princess). Thanks Fuz for the link.

"All the Japanese men want Japanese girls. All the Foreign men want Japanese girls."
 
Thus my white girl friend sums up the predicament of caucasian women in Japan.  But ladies, I'm really on your side! Let's examine this together, shall we? Why do all the fellas want Japanese girls?

 

Girl: "They ACT like children!" (previously: "They dress like children".)

 

You mean they smile and giggle? True that back home, a smile has to be earned. Chicks there have a hair-trigger 'eff-off' response that's efficient and subtle. When you meet a guy you're immediately wondering what he's going to slip into your drink when your back is turned. And when the guy smiles at you, you wonder what he's ALREADY slipped into your drink, or where he's stashed his engagement ring. And you know what? It all shows! But many guys are still desperate enough to fight for one of your smiles.

 

A girl's smile to a boy is what a microwave is to butter. And when she giggles at our stupid jokes after only having met us for four seconds, we feel like Gods. That's guys I'm afraid. Stupid enough to mistake a smile as a come-on but cunning enough to slip roofies into your drink.

 

Guys will hang with girls who make him feel like a superhero rather than with girls who make him feel like a convicted sex offender. So make a guy's day and smile - just smile* - to him.

 

In fact, all you have to do is not think of him as a potential rapist for at least the first 45 seconds. 

 

 

*Caveat: A smile is also not a prelude to a lecture. My hairs stand on end whenever some of my girl friends smile at me because it means they're about to tell me their theory of everything - everything completely unrelated to what we were talking about. It cheapens the smile, turns it into a mere device. Try this workout: smile, listen, giggle, stop. Smile, listen, giggle, stop. Push that zone.

 

OK. You've been through booty camp. You're a lean, mean, flirting machine. Why mission not accomplished? What's this?! The enemy wins just by lying down?!

 

The final score: "They're so submissive!"

0530 - Leave club. Wow. Light comes in colours other than laser.

0545 - Play with street gomi in Shinsaibashi.

0600 - Catch an underground somewhere to sleep on one of the station benches (don't pass through the ticket gates.)

0630 - Sleep on the flyover between Hanshin, Hankyu, and Yodobashi along with all the other all-night party vagrants.

0645 - Watch dawn in Umeda.

0715 - Conbini breakfast at Daily In as JR Osaka loads up.

0800 - Buy an overpriced key-drink and sleep at an air conditioned coffee shop table.

0900 - Hang in the Hilton Osaka lobby. Watch flight crews check in. Mmm, stewardesses. Use the bathroom. They have soap.

1000 - Meet friends and reset the party clock.